Proactive Parenting Solutions for Explosive Kids
As Parents of ADHD kids, we can be blindsided by their behavior. Outbursts can come out of know where, take us by surprise and have us trying to patch things up and parent on the fly.
Instead of of being on the defense all the time, waiting for a behavior to strike, what if I told you there are ways to stop those unwanted, explosive behaviors before they even start?
Yes, you can implement these parenting solutions for explosive kids and reduce their outbursts and explosions – to the point where you may forget they even used to happen.
How to stop explosive behavior before it starts.
There are many things to do to proactively stop the behaviors. Because every kid is different and also because kids change as they grow, some trial and error is involved.
Practice Great sleep Hygiene
As many of 55% of those with ADHD have trouble sleeping. Making the transition to sleep can be difficult for kids with ADHD because they have a hard time settling their bodies and shutting down their brains. Being aware of this is the first step in trying to find ways to help.
Have a great bedtime routine
The transition to sleep can be hard for adhd kids. Having a consistent bedtime routine can help ADHD kids settle their bodies for sleep. A Bedtime Routine- or the same few tasks, repeated every night-can provide a consistent rhythm to the evening.
Having a routine will signal your body to start settling for sleep. Creating a simple routine for your kiddo is not difficult. Start by picking a few tasks to include, such as taking a bath, brushing teeth and having some time to read in bed before it’s lights out.
Start your routine at the same time every night and soon, kids will be doing it without too much help. Making sure you have some time for connection – read aloud or quiet conversation with you – will make sticking to a routine enticing for your kids.
Get enough, High Quality sleep
So many people are suffering from too little sleep, and to be honest, we may not even know how much sleep our kids should be getting. School aged kids should get 9 to 12 hours and teens should get 8 to 10. Are you kids getting enough?
You may have to adjust when it’s lights out to ensure your kids are getting enough sleep.
There’s a few things you can do to ensure your kids get good quality, restful sleep:
- Take a magnesium supplement an hour before bed. Magnesium relaxes the muscles and the brain to help kids fall asleep and stay asleep.
- Use a weighted blanket. Weighted blankets provide deep touch pressure to relax the entire body. They can be a godsend for getting a restful nights sleep
Our kids can be extremely sensitive. and things like not getting enough sleep can really effect their behavior and make it so much harder for them to keep it together.
Mona Delahooke, in her amazing book, talks about how as parents of neurodiverse kids, we need to have a bottoms up appraoch and parent our kids nervous systems. Getting a good night’s sleep is great medicine for your kids’ nervous system!
Make time to connect
Dr. Edward Hallowell claims that ADHD’ers need more vitamin “C” – connection. The more your kiddo feels connected to you, their family and friends, even the world at large, the more safe, valued and confident they will feel.
It is so important to spend time with your kids – and connect – anyway you can! Here are some ideas to foster that lovely feeling of connection for both of you:
- Make sure you are having regular family meals together
- Cook together – dinner, cookies,…their favorite meal.
- Go on a nightly post dinner walk with your kiddo
- Set aside time for weekly one-on-one time with each kid
- Start a weekly movie or game night
- Sit and chat in the car
- Help your kid foster good friendships
- Volunteer together and connect with humanity.
Even just 10 minutes a day of your undivided attention can do wonders for your kiddo!
Be a detective
It is important to take the time to observe and notice patterns around your child’s concerning behaviors. Do they only happen in one setting, like school? Are they clustered around certain family events or at a particular time of the day?
Perhaps they happen like clockwork before a band performance or big test?
The more information you can gather and observe, the better your chances of being able to figure out the source of your kiddo’s explosions. You will then be in a better place to have a productive conversation about helping them deal with the issues that are behind their explosions.
Have a Productive Conversation With Your Child
Once you have gathered some information about the cause and timing of their behaviors, you can then have some conversations with your child – when everyone is calm and willing.
As a parent, the best way to enter into a conversation about behavior with your child is from a place of curiosity and compassion. Know your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. There are skills to be developed, not behaviors to be punished.
You can start by offering up one of your observations. “I noticed you were having a hard time before your band concert, what’s up?”
If you are not used to having conversation with your kids, this may take some time. It’s a real skill that you may need to work on, as well. Adele Faber’s Book, “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk,” is an excellent book with scripts of exactly what to say to your kids.
These ideas will help:
- Do more listening than talking.
- Repeat back what you hear. “So you were nervous about making a mistake?”
- Ask if there is anymore information they can tell you.
- Use the five finger method for kids who have a hard time giving you any information.
Sometimes, you don’t even need to come up with a solution. The mere act of talking about it and getting it out in the open can be so incredibly helpful. Your child will feel heard.
Make changes to Your child’s diet
What goes into your child’s body can have a HUGE effect on their ability to handle their emotions and handle life’s ups and downs. There is so much information out there about how food affects ADHD, I know it can be overwhelming to know where to start.
When you are ready to start changing your child’s diet, you’ve got some really great options:
- You can start by seeing a nutritionist who specializes in dealing with the symptoms of ADHD. They will help you get some really good information by running some troutine blood work to see if there
- You can simply start eliminating the big culprits out of your child’ s diet and start observing changes in their behavior. Artificial dyes and preservatives (the Feingold Diet) is a great place to start and one that many, many famillies have had remarkable success with.
- Work towards a mostly whole foods diet and just avoid processed food altogether and continue to observe your child and how food affects their behavior.
Changing your child’s diet is a great step to preventing unsavory behaviors before they even start. And you are empowering your kids with knowledge about how to take care of their own bodies for the rest of their lives.
Pro tip: Remember, you can’t expect your child to make changes to their diet, if you don’t as well. Make eating healthier a family affair. Learn about diet together, plan meals with your kids, have them help with the shopping…It can be a great way to bond and connect – which brings us to our next parenting solution for explosive kids.
Get regular and robust exercise
Regular and robust exercise can have a tremendously positive effect on reducing the symptoms of ADHD, leaving your child much less likely to resort to explosive behavior.
Regular exercise promotes dopamine release. This feel good chemical is often found in very low levels in kids with ADHD, so an increase in dopamine means a better mood.
Exercise has a positive effect on executive function skills like organizing, paying attention and managing time. Exercise also reduces aggressive and impulsive behaviors in ADHD children – bingo!
Find a way to move that your kiddo enjoys and make sure to provide opportunities to do it regularly.
There are many ways to help your kid avoid big, explosive outbursts way before they happen. The more well rested, well fed, well connected and well exercised your kiddo is, the easier it is for them to manage in school and at home.
Sounds like a tall order!! But by focusing on even just by choosing one of these parenting solutions for explosive kids areas to focus on at a time, will make your parenting job easier. Pick the one that seems the easiest for you and your child and just start!
