Positive Parenting Books for ADHD Parenting

Do you ever feel bad about how you parent your ADHD kiddo? We all have moments where we just don’t know what to do or how to say something that will help the situation.

It can be so discouraging when your kids do not find success with the advice that pervades the parenting circles….time outs, sticker charts,  or my favorite – “just tell him to stay seated!”

These books approach parenting your ADHD child in a positive way — giving you positive parenting solutions that do not involve lots of punishing or consequences. shaming or time outs.

These positive parenting books teach you how to be an effective, compassionate, firm and kind parent to your ADHD kiddo. Positive parenting focuses on getting underneath the behaviors and outbursts, so you can affress your child’s lagging skills and what they are really trying to communicate with their behavior.

It’s always a great time to regroup and learn some new! solutions to your parenting problems. These books will be instrumental in helping you navigate all the things that crop up when you are parenting a neurodiverse child.  From difficulty at school, to getting along with siblings, to emotional outbursts and even help for how to cope and refresh as a parent, these books will have a permanent spot on your shelf.  

For a quick peak of the entire list, plus updated faves, check HERE.

 Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne

Being a Simplicity Parenting Family Life Coach, I am perhaps slightly biased towards Kim John Payne’s, Simplicity Parenting.  But, it’s for a good reason. This book has had such a huge impact on both the way I parent and run my household.  If you want a simpler, more meaningful life with your kids, this is your guidebook. 

Simplicity Parenting serves to help families navigate the ever increasing pace of today’s world and the pressures that can cause anxiety and behavioral problems in children. Both the accumulation of stuff and the fury of screens and busy schedules have a major, negative impact on our children’s growing brains.

Payne cites a study where children with ADHD showed remarkable improvement in their negative behaviors simply by changing  their environments. The effects were even more positive than those achieved thru pharmaceutical medications, alone.

Payne shows us that simply by making changes to your families’ lifestyle you can have a tremendous positive effect on the life of your child, whether they have ADHD or not. The book offers inspiration as well as  concrete ideas to hep you give your children the space, freedom and time to experience a childhood where they can become their best selves. Real life examples from families are given to help you come up with your own plans.

This book made me realize how much our home environment played a role in  the day to day stress and anxiety of both myself and my kids. I became vigilant about keeping only a few toys and books out at any given time and made a conscious decision to really limit screen time.

Now as a parent of tweens, I continue to feel empowered to change what I have control over and not worry about the rest. There is less fighting and rushing around when I make conscious decisions about our time, our stuff, and what media filters into our home. 

Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy

Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy made this list before I’d even finished it. Her ideas about how to deal with your child’s not-so-great-behaviors are just remarkable. Based on the idea that EVERYONE IS GOOD INSIDE, no matter what shows on the outside, her strategies get to the heart of a problem.

Kennedy focuses on connection, above all, which is what our ADHD kids so desperately need. This book will not only tell you how to connect to your kiddo, but also how to repair your connection. I love how it gives you exact details of what to say and do in the face of BIG behaviors.

Declarative Language handbook by Linda Murphy

This book quickly made my list of favorite ADHD parenting books when the strategies inside worked for my teenagers instantly.

Using declarative language, that is statements and observations, instead of questions and demands promotes problem solving, connection and teaches kids to think for themselves.

For example, instead of saying, “Take out the garbage!”, a simple observation of “I see two bags of garbage” can be highly effective in getting the kids to think for themselves. There is no perceived threat of a demand, so there is less likelihood of any defiance.

Linda Murphy has written an easy to follow guide for using declarative language as soon as you get a copy in your hands. This has been life-changing for me and my family.

Listen by Patty Wipfler

I heard Patty Wipfler speak at an online conference and literally found myself  hanging onto her every word.  Listen, Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges is my most recently read book on this list, so I am just beginning to put these tips into place.

And let me just say, I wish I had read this book years ago! Wipfler’s suggestions and methods just feel so right and caring, while still addressing both your child’s needs and your own. This just might be my new favorite adhd books for parents!

 The tools in this book are meant to ease the stress around highly emotional and upset moments.  This where I struggle the most in my parenting – the times when my son’s fears make him highly emotional and often aggressive. 

I often at am a loss for how to react to my son’s big emotions and angry words.  Wipfler’s advice has already put me at ease and armed me with lots to try. 

Wipfler also suggests many different ways to connect to your kiddos – special time, stay listening (listening and being present when your kids are at their worst),  and play listening( a way to defuse a situation and connect instead of yell.) 

I really agree with her suggestion to find a listening partner – someone who, at a moments notice, can listen to your woes, tirades or tears about your kiddo.  We all need someone who we can pour our heart out to so we can come back to our child ready and able to deal. 

Parents, she suggests, may also be working out an emotional “project” that you need to be sensitive to. Our children may be mirroring our own journey as we deal with past upsets or traumas. Yep, makes perfect sense.

Wipfler’s ideas are easy to read and applicable to any stage in your child’s life. In fact, I’ve never seen  a higher rated parent book on Amazon!

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Unconditional Parenting goes hand in hand with many of these other ADHD books for parents…Kohn does not write specifically for the ADHD parent…but he promotes connection and totally disagrees with sticker charts, rewards and punishments. 

First and foremost, Kohn is super clear about the negatives of rewards and punishments – not only do they not work in the long run, but they can actually have longer lasting, adverse effects.

After years of trying different reward systems and complicated consequences, I finally realized why they do not work for my ADHD kids. These types of behavioral systems  focus on behaviors instead of digging deeper to root causes. I want to raise thoughtful human beings, not kids who only act nice when they think there is a prize. 

This book really resonated with me when my kids were smaller. It continues to hold some really deep truths for me today. At a time when The Naughty Step and time outs were all the rage, I took comfort in Kohn’s dislike of these methods. These techniques made things for my son even worse and Kohn reasons that the isolation of time outs can be really harmful to a child when all they may need is to feel loved.

Kohn stresses that parenting is through good and bad and children need to feel loved the whole way – and that your love is not a condition of their behavior.  

Kohn really goes against a lot of main stream parenting advice which is probably why I love this book so much.

This list of positive parenting books keeps growing! Check out the full list on Amazon.