Effective Strategies for task Avoidance in adhd kids and teens
We know ADHD kids are motivated by interest, so things like homework, cleaning the bathroom or organizing their closet are usually not high on their list of preferable tasks.
It can be downright maddening to get our ADHD kids to do the things they regularly avoid.
I have certainly done my fair share of nagging and reprimanding and yelling and reminding and more reminding and micro managing. Clearly these strategies do not work.
So what are some effective strategies for task avoidance in adhd kids and teens?
This article will explore different ways, we parents of ADHD kids, can get our kids to do those tasks they do not want to do – whether it’s thru collaborative problem solving, scaffolding, natural consequences, or a few other helpful strategies.
How to get ADHD kids to do Nonpreferred tasks:
Let’s be clear, here.. Dolling out random consequences to try to get your kid to comply, most likely, will not work.
Again, if it were that easy, we’d all be perfect parents raising perfect kids.
Finding effective strategies for task avoidance can take some trial and error and lots of learning
Personally, with two boys with ADHD, I have worked for years to figure out how to motivate my kids to do their unprefferred tasks and I’ve got several ideas and ways about thinking about this problem….I hope one of them resonates with you.
1. address a lagging skill or unsolved problem
I love Ross Greene and his collaborative problem solving method. I describe a light bulb parenting, “A-Ha” moment in this uber popular post of mine.
Greene believe’s there is always a reason behind why kids avoid tasks and helps parents do some detective work to discover if a lagging skill or unsolved problem may be the real issue. Ross believes kids do well when they can and so there is usually something stopping the child.
Ross Greene has a very specific way of questioning kids to get to the bottom of the reasons behind why they avoid tasks — be it going to bed, doing homework, brushing their teeth, cleaning the litter box, take out the garbage or any other hundreds of tasks they find deplorable.
The method works so well because it opens up the door for great parent-child communication and is imbued with a spirit of curiosity, The CPS method treats both kids and adults with respect and allows for parents to get to the reasons behind their child’s unwanted behaviors.
Fair warning, it can take time for your kid to open up, for you to get the questioning of listening right and the patience to wait, if necessary. His website is a wealth of material to help you explore the Collaborative Problem Solving Method.
Resources for Collaborative Problem Solving:
Ross Greene’s Book: The Explosive Child
2. incorporate non preferred tasks into a routine
Creating routines can be so magical. They allow kids to become independent and can stop you from having to mico-manage your ADHD kiddo.
If an unpreferred task is sandwiched into a routine between two, at least “okay” tasks, it might just be easier for your kid to comply. Perhaps your kid hates to empty out their backpack, but if they have to do it right after changing out of their school clothes and right before having a snack, they may be more motivated.
Once a routine is in place, you can add onto it with much more ease. For example, if having a snack and changing into play clothes is part of your after school routine, setting homework on the counter can be added on without to much complaining – and can have a big part in getting started on homework, much easier.
Cleaning the bathroom, done as part of a weekly routine just before movie night, seems more doable, doesn’t it?
Non-preferred tasks can become almost, “mundane” when they become solidified into a daily or weekly routine. If homework time is expected just after dinner clean-up, there should be little complaining about it.
Resources for Routines:
Morning Routines for ADHD Kids
3. Scaffold your kids and teens
Our ADHD kids struggle with organization and memory – so it may take them longer to complete a task or remember all the parts of it. They can be overwhelmed and think a task will take them much longer than it really does.
There are a few things you can do to help building up your kids ability to get themselves organized to carry out the task to completion.
You can make a list of the steps of the task. Giving them a concrete list of steps to follow can be super helpful. They just have to refer to the list instead of you having to repeat yourself over and over again. This works well for chores, but also different types of homework, too. You can have a proofreading checklist to help them finish that english essay they have been avoiding.
Your kids can watch you do the task and then slowly have them take over the job, themselves. This works well for household chores and other family responsibilities. Modeling how to do the task can be super helpful. First of all, kids will understand that it does not take that long. Secondly, they will see the order of the steps and understand what it looks like to be done. Bonus if you have the list of steps created for them to follow along.
Be more than clear about your expectations. Sometimes your kids idea of what the bathroom should look like and your idea are vastly different. Make sure your kids know what you expect, so there is no guessing at all. I always say, “You know the job is done when….”
4. Do it together
You can often get buy-in from kids if they know someone else is going to do the task with them. Weeding the garden or walking the neighbors’ dog is much more fun with a friend or family member. If mom sits down at the table to work on her compute while her daughter is doing homework at the table, the task may be more enjoyable.
Make the bed together, fold laundry with your kiddo, brush your teeth with them….what else can you think of?
Designating a day of the week as family chore day can be a great thing. It’s all hands on deck, until a certain task is finished and everyone works together.
5. Make it fun/add some novelty
There are ways to bring some fun into any task!
- Play music via headphones or a speaker for all to hear.
- Chew yummy gum like Glee or PUR.
- Enjoy a snack during the task.
- Using fun supplies (great smelling cleaning supplies, fun sponges, special pencils and erasers, etc.)
- Listen to a podcast or audio story while cleaning the kitchen.
- Use a timer to make it into a game or a special challenge.
- Do homework in a different place – try outside or at a different library or coffee shop.
6. Let Natural consequences do their job
Consequences are part of life and while I am not a big fan of doling out consequences every time our kids don’t meet our expectations, there are some ways to use effective consequences for ADHD kids and teens.
The best kind of consequences are natural ones……..You don’t go to work, you don’t get paid, You don’t pay the light bill, your service gets turned off. Adults have natural consequences all the time.
Our kids are often protected from natural consequences, by well meaning parents who pick up after them and solve all their problems.
I get it, our kids need a lot of help navigating the increased responsibility of school and life. But as your kid gets older, the more you can let natural consequences happen, the better it will be for you and your kid in the end.
Start small with the natural consequences and of course you can step in, if you feel there is a real lagging skill that needs to be supported.
Examples of natural consequences:
- Kid forgets lunch(homework, sweatshirt, etc) – do not bring it to school.
- Kid forgets to do homework – don’t call/email the teachers, making excuses for him.
- Check your kids student portal less frequently, so they take responsibility for their missing assignments
- If they forget something at school, they can get it the next day.
- Your teen forgets to set their alarm clock, they are late for school.
- Lunch snacks are eaten at home, they go without until the next shopping trip.
- If they do not do the chore correctly (to your standards), they have to go back and fix their mistakes.
Parents of Teenagers: Getting a part time job teaches them great skills and gives lots of opportunities for natural consequences. It is an awesome way to have your kids learn responsibilities from someone else.
Getting our ADHD kids to do the necessary things can be challenging. Please let me know if you have any tried and true ideas that are not listed here. I’d love to have some more tricks up my sleeve.
